Book

Lawson, Jenny, 1973- author.

Let's pretend this never happened : (a mostly true memoir) / Jenny Lawson.

Berkley trade paperback edition.

New York, New York : Berkley Books, 2013.

©2012

370 pages : illustrations ; 21 cm

"When Jenny Lawson was little, all she ever wanted was to fit in. That dream was cut short by her fantastically unbalanced father and a morbidly eccentric childhood. It did, however, open up an opportunity for Lawson to find the humor in the strange shame-spiral that is her life, and we are all the better for it. In the irreverent Let's Pretend This Never Happened, Lawson's long-suffering husband and sweet daughter help her uncover the surprising discovery that the most terribly human moments - the ones we want to pretend never happened - are the very same moments that make us the people we are today. For every intellectual misfit who thought they were the only ones to think the things that Lawson dares to say out loud, this is a poignant and hysterical look at the dark, disturbing, yet wonderful moments of our lives." -- Back cover.

Includes a new chapter and readers guide.

Includes a "Bonus Chapter: There's a Serious Lack of Prostitutes on This Tour", copyright 2013 by Jenny Lawson."

Some Davenport copies may be shelved in Book Club section.

Lawson, Jenny, 1973-

Journalists -- United States -- Biography.

Humorists, American -- 21st century -- Biography.

BIOGRAPHY & AUTOBIOGRAPHY / Memoirs.

HUMOR / Essays.

HUMOR / Marriage & Family.

Autobiographical fiction.

Humorous fiction.

Autobiographical fiction.

Humorous fiction.

Let us pretend this never happened

Introduction -- I was a three-year-old arsonist -- My childhood: David Copperfield meets Gun & Ammo magazine -- Stanley, the magical talking squirrel -- Don't tell your parents -- Jenkins, you motherfucker -- If you need an arm condom, it might be time to reevaluate some of your life choices -- Draw me a fucking dog -- And that's why Neil Patrick Harris would be the most successful mass murderer ever -- No one ever taught me couch etiquette -- Just your average engagement story -- It wasn't stew -- Married on the fourth of July -- There's no place like home -- A series of helpful post-it notes I left around the house for my husband this week -- The dark and disturbing secrets HR doesn't want you to know -- If you see my liver, you've gone too far -- My vagina is fine: thanks for asking -- Phone conversation I had with my husband after I got lost for the eighty thousandth time -- And then I got stabbed in the face by a serial killer -- Thanks for the zombies, Jesus -- Making friends with girls -- I am the Wizard of Oz of housewives (in that I am both "great and terrible" and because I sometimes hide behind the curtains) -- The psychopath on the other side of the bathroom door -- An open letter to my husband, who is asleep in the next room -- Just to clarify: we don't sleep with goats -- Stabbed by chicken -- It wasn't even my crack -- Honestly, I don't even know where I got that machete: a comic tragedy in three parts [crossed out] days -- I'm going to need an old priest and a young priest -- And that's why you should learn to pick your battles -- Hairless rats: free for kids only -- And then I snuck a dead Cuban alligator on an airplane -- You can't go home again (unless you want to get mauled by wild dogs) -- Epilogue -- End (sort of) -- True facts -- Bonus chapter: There's a serious lack of prostitutes on this tour -- Acknowledgments -- Readers guide.

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